More Adventures in Cloth Diapering

My completed diaper stash so far. 2 pocket diapers with fleece covers built in, 2 fleece covers, 3 newborn size Very Baby covers, 2 small size very baby covers, 1 medium Very Baby and one Large.

The Very Baby Wrap Cover. With Fold Over Elastic. One in Each size.

I wanted to sew diapers. Not wait for Fold Over Elastic to come in the mail. SO this is what I ended up with.

Pocket Diapers with Fleece Covers (Rita's Rump Pocket Pattern, its free online).

Adventures in making Diaper Covers

Because we are nuts we tried practice diapering a stuffed frog.

My first fleece diaper cover.

It's my Belly

9 years ago if you had asked us as college freshman where we would be today, the 3 of us would not have answered what we are doing right now. That is for sure (although my life comes the closest).

There we go. That is the Belly picture.

Buying things for Happiness

"But if a new care makes for a very happy wife, maybe the husband wouldn't be so grouchy"

I was told this on the WIR after I commented about how we know exactly what new to us vehicle we want that would be better for a new baby, we can't afford it right now. There were some other quotes in there going back and forth, but bottom lined remained the same. More money meant the ability to buy something to make your spouse happy. It wasn't a need. We have 2 working vehicles right now.

I think this a fundamental flaw in the thinking of a lot of people. You should never place your happiness in the ability or the position of an object. That new car won't last forever. If you had to buy something to make your spouse happy, how happy are you?

I'm not all zen or a minimalist, but I am trying not to put my worth and happiness in material possesions. Treasures on earth don't last. If you set yourself up to say that you will be happy once you have that new car, you will only be happy until you want the next new thing. Maybe I am just telling myself this to deal with what I can't have. But there are a lot of things in life I can't have. That is fine. I know I have the ability to be happy without them.

My other complaint is that I want to raise my children right. I want them to understand that hard work is worth it. That you can't always get what you want. What kind of example am I setting for them even before they are born if I don't follow that? I want to be the best mother I can be and I do believe part of that is not getting a new to us car right now. Sure it may not be trendy to follow this line of thinking, but this baby's daddy is going to get to stay home with her (or him, but I think it is a girl) and that is worth a lot more than being trending and having a new car.

Quick Update

I have not posted in a long time. Pregnant me has been kicking my butt. But I'm still here. Still working. Bill is staying home. He finally appears to have some projects. One under contract which he should be doing on Friday (we hope) and then 3 more pending. The money will be nice. THat is for sure.

Well, it is back to work I go.

How is it possibly the best thing for you child?

There is a regular poster on WIR whom I like. She is very smart, very motivated and has overcome a lot in her life. However, she is currently stuck in a position which she hates. That position is full time stay at home mom with minimal opportunities to work evenings. There are other posters on there that every single time just praise her so much for making that sacrifice because it is the "best thing for the child". All I can say is give me a freaking break... like baby doesn't know that mom is miserable. It just does not compute to me. Yes, you make sacrifices for your child, but being resentful about being a stay at home parent doesn't seem like a sacrifice. It seems like freaking prison sentence for this woman. The baby is 21 months and her husband is under contract for his position for another year. They live in LA where childcare costs $1500-$2000 a month (unlike here where for that age, unpotty trained child you are talking $400-$500 a month, goes up to $600 for infants).

I just don't get it. If Bill is miserable with Baby Yo and our situation, we will work something else out. Our child may go to childcare, but do not get me wrong we will still be raising our baby. We value you our happiness. I think we have proved this by having Bill not go back to work full time. We are happier with him at home. Sure right now things are a bit tight, but not unmanageable. We are going to do what makes us happy. Who knows maybe we will both work part time (as long as I work 1000 hours a year, I still get vested for that year and Derek will let me keep my insurance through them). Bill will work for himself and I will work for Derek. I personally cannot imagine staying in a situation where we are miserable again. Bill was miserable at his last job, but he stayed and it was hard on us. I felt he was staying in a miserable situation for me and I didn't want him to do that for me. That is my take. Ask me in February what I think about staying home and all that and home much Bill is really helping me and I may have a different answer, but for now I think people need to look beyond "Oh it really is best for the child to be with a Stay at home parent"...really? Gag me with a spoon. Are we back in the 60s? We are in the 21st century. Work days are no longer just 8-5; you can work from home, you can work from Starbucks; you can work 4-10s; you can work part time. Why does everything have to fit in a little box? And why do people feel content to stuff you in that box?

Back to the poster on WIR, I think her problems actually stem from her DH. But I feel the woman that "made the sacrifice to be a stay at home parent" and back up her DH to the extreme do a disservice to woman and to the working world we live in today.

Sigh...That is what I get for asking advice

So, we got back from vacation and I just was not doing very good at work. Really I was doing very poorly. I was passing the time and not focusing. So, I talked with Derek some to try to get my head around what was going on and oh I don't know the fact that I didn't know the hours I was suppose to have in the job and getting a lecture over it when I was over and the fact that I didn't know deadlines and all that stuff really bogged me down.

So, I posted on WIR and I painted myself in the worst possible light on purpose. I didn't want to go back and forth about what was right and wrong. I just wanted some advise to communicate better with my boss. I posted this thread on Tuesday evening. It is still going and the latest post is I don't know how your boss has done anything wrong. UGH!!! I don't want to complain about what is right or wrong because he is the boss. I have screwed up. Probably not as badly as you all think I have, and my boss is not a freaking saint!

Prior to leaving for vacation all I knew was I had to get Pt. 7 done. 8 days before I left, I finally said hey btw what else do I need to get done and he rattles off 5 other projects!!! So Pt. 7 does not get done. Not really even close. The scope is about twice what everyone thought it would be. D says no worries TRD and I will finish it while you are gone. Of course when I come back all D has done is call up the client's PM and the architect to get them to go our way on a few things and they don't go for it. Other than that it does not get touched. I should have put money down on it and I would have won.

So, I get home and I am out of it. Seriously out of it. The pregnancy is driving me nuts and I can't tell anyone and it is M.H. last day and ught. Ok, so for 4 days, I sucked. But I still got stuff done.

You know it doesn't matter. I know what I have to do or not do. I need to stay off WIR for a long while.

What my brother doesn't know....

The saturday before Mother's day we got up to my parents in time for supper. Just a few minutes before my brother and his family arrived. I love my brother and I love his wife, but lord do they love to tease. So they were teasing me like crazy being like so you are pregnant. (and if they knew we were trying it is because they found out from 3 people that they don't talk to). So they were just giving us a hard time. I was getting mad during there teasing. Thinking man what if I was pregnant and going to tell everyone and they just totally screwed up my big announcement. But as it is I'm just waiting on my period to try again. So I just kept telling my brother "what do you know that I don't".

Well, Sunday was 5 weeks post period and I was thinking all my "symptoms" were in my head. Monday night we were at the campground near Niagara and I was like when we stop by the drug store tomorrow lets pick up a pregnancy test. So, we do and we walk all over Niagara on Tuesday. We got back to the campground and watched the sunset and before we eat I go went to the bathroom and POAS. I am staring at it walking back to the campsite and one line of the plus is very strong and the other is pretty faint and I am in SHOCK. I hand it too DH and was like I need to look at the instructions. So I grab the instructions and the line that is faint is the one that shows up or -. The one that is strong is plus. OMG. I just laughed hysterically. We are going to have a baby! Seriously!!

Anyway, we are still on vacation which is going great and it is kind of nice to find out on vacation because we aren't tempted to tell everyone we know right now!

Put me in Coach

Well, beat the drum and hold the phone - the sun came out today!

We're born again, there's new grass on the field.A

-roundin' third, and headed for home, it's a brown-eyed handsome man;

Anyone can understand the way I feel.

CHORUS:Oh, put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;

Put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;

Look at me, I can be Centerfield.

Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine, watchin' it from the bench;

You know I took some lumps when the Mighty Casey struck out.

So Say Hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe DiMaggio;

Don't say "it ain't so", you know the time is now.

Oh, put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;
Put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be Centerfield.

Yeah! I got it, I got it!

Got a beat-up glove, a homemade bat, and brand-new pair of shoes
;You know I think it's time to give this game a ride.

Just to hit the ball and touch 'em all - a moment in the sun;(pop)

It's gone and you can tell that one goodbye!

So I heard this song on my way home after a LONG day and I was like you know this is going to be my moto tomorrow. My "role model" for tomorrow will be Cubs "rookie" Bobby Scales. He spent 11 years in the minors! 11 years and got called up yesterday and played today and got his first major league hit. So when my boss calls on me tomorrow, even though I am probably more Aramis Rameriez (the "long tenured star" of the team) than Bobby Scales. I am going to say Coach (boss) put me in. I can do it.

(I do have to add that the sun DID NOT come out to stay today, but oh well).

Vacation Planning

We are getting excited. The time is getting close. Just 5 days of work and we are out of here. We have a list of places to camp and reservations at Acadia National Park. It was a struggle. Niagara is so expensive even to camp. Campgrounds aren't going to be open yet in the Adirondacks and White Mountain area. State Parks were closed for an extended period of time in the Boston area due to a December Ice storm. Private Parks were expensive ($30 a night). But we found some reasonably priced alternatives.

AMJ and UB are going to be at Grandma's this weekend just to see me. :) My brother and his family are going to come over for supper on Saturday. Mom says Elisabeth is talking a little! OMG! She is getting so grown up.

Speaking of babies...I don't think I am pregnant but no period just yet. That does not really surprise me.

Now back to writing a report for the Hidden Valley.

Rain Rain Go Away

For the first time in our life together, my DH and I allowed the weather to dictate a major change in plans. Oh it affects little things all the time ... do I go walk/run on the road or do I use the elliptical? Do we work in the yard or clean the house? But we have never cancelled a weekend away because of the weather and we did today. We are suppose to be camping with the church this weekend, but we said not in this rain. They are calling for buckets of rain to fall in the next 3 days. Like 2-5 inches (of rain, not snow). THe James River rose 10' overnight!! 10'! Yikes. So while I am bummed. There is an upside... I can hopefully get some more projects wrapped up at work. I can give the house a thorough cleaning before leaving. Anyway, it is still raining. It makes me glad I live on top of the mountain.

Hmmmm...maybe?

We couldn't be this lucky, could we? I mean we just went off BC, could I truly be pregnant. I was going through my "symptoms". I still think it might all be in my head. This morning I was like no, I'm not pregnant. This is in my head. While I was thinking that, bang I got this huge wave a nausea. Seriously. I am still feeling queasy. I guess we will find out Sunday...or maybe it is the Swine Flu (j/k).

A Clean Office

TD and I went nuts this morning at the office. We tackled BL's desk and ALL the mark ups that he kept under his desk. Then we hit the plan and server room and went through all the junk on there. Next was the flat files in the back room. When we got done, the only papers were those on TS's desk. Everything else has been properly filed (except what we are personally working on and even that is limited. It feels good to have th office cleaned up. We just get lazy and it is easier to put stuff on the flat surfaces to be filed later, but then later never comes. I know I do the same thing at home. The problem at home is that is just me and there is a greater diversification of papers. When it is plans it is ok this is old, this a copy, etc and I know what to do with it. At home, it is just oh crap, what do I do with this.

Last night I went to Aerobics at church. It was fun. Bill was feeling really bad yesterday. I wish I knew what to do with him. I was really looking forward to going home and see we couldn't get me knocked up and then he could barely move. Let alone that. Oh well, if it doesn't happen this month. There is always next month and the next month and the next one. :)

What a week

It was not personally overly crazy. I was just at Tan-Tar-A for a conference Wed-FRi. That was nice, but boohoo i missed Bill. I've been a bit clingy since I got home. But the conference was good and I plan on going back next year unless I have a newborn. :)

Mom said Tuesday both Sue R and Sue W died. I think they were both 70, which really isn't that old, is it? Sue R's daughter is 3 years older than me. She had contracted ensephilitius last summer and they treated it as a stroke for several days before they realized it wasn't a stroke. By then it was too late. The damage was done. Her poor daughter got married last summer and her mom was in a vegative state and just never came out of it. Sue W had pancreatic cancer. She went for emergancy surgury Monday and was gone on Tuesday. So sad. Mom said they were college roomies and came to Henry together to teach. I never knew that. Funny how you only learn about things when people die.

Then Wednesday Kristin emailed me and said she had moved in with Ian in Evanston. I am really happy for her. They are getting married in Nov and it makes me super happy. Then ironically Kathryn emailed me Thursday to say that she and Loan bought a house and she'll be moving in with him in May. Yeah. My engaged friends are finally going to get to live in the same town as their fiance's for the first time in years.

Today while the confirmation class was meeting I was talking to Daniel. He asked me when Bill and I were going to have kids and I was like whenever. You know 9 or 10 months. LOL. I kind of blushed when I said that. Then I asked if he and Michelle were going to have #2, he was like we're trying. We kind of laughed at the people who have it all planned out. I wish. God definately has a little something to say about it. Bill was a little embarassed that I actually told Daniel 9 or 10 months, but its Daniel. Plus it helped that he and Michelle are trying. While we aren't really close to them for a number of reasons, they are nice and good parents with similar values. (Although Michelle is super bossy).

Happy Easter and some randomness

This weekend was great. From getting off work early on Friday and making up a recipe for chicken cordon blea, to the easter egg hunt and watching little Delaney while confirmation class was going on on Saturday. Sunday was raining, but Sunrise service and breakfast was a blast. Plus we finally learned our song and regular service rocked. Watching Janine just belt out the songs and kind of dance it just is fun. Plus Alex was hilarious swaying between his brother and Lucas. Then yesterday Bill and I were all ummm romantic. Took a bath together cuddled on the couch. Then in the evening we played a firous game of dominos. Our poor children hopefully will never realize how uber competitve we are. I got pissy and told Bill to sleep on the couch (which I ironically he did, but not because I said so). All in all it was a good weekend.

My mom has repeatedly made the comment that when she is in her 80s that she will not have to be told to go to an assisted living, that she (and dad) will do it on their own. In fact, they have mentioned that in about 10 years they will probably sell the house and move to something smaller. It is a little crazy that they have planned that far ahead, but all the trouble that they have had with their parents and aunts have left them SAYING that they will move on their own. I guess every generation that lives a little longer has their own issues to think about. Hopefully, in 50 years I'll know my limitations as well.

RIP Nick Adenhart

I don't know him. Didn't know the name until about 11 am this morning. Oh, about 10 am there was an article on MSN about how the kid pitching for the Angels last night made them forget about their other injuries, but I skimmed the article. 2 hours later, we hear that kid is dead. Unbelievable. A drunk driver blows a stop light and 3 lives are lost. Nothing that doesn't happen every week across America, but for a kid who just pitched 6 scoreless innings in his 4th big league game it makes news. It makes us sit up and take notice. It is also unbelievable. He lived his dream the last night of his life. His last inning he through ALL strikes.

I've been reading all the comments and someone said "There is baseball in heaven and God needed another pitcher". It makes me cry. It is far sadder than Josh Hancock or Darryl Kile and on par with the football players that went missing at sea. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends.

Maundy Thursday

Today is Maundy Thursday. The night that I believe really starts to define Christianity. After all, tonight is the night that Jesus took the bread and the wine for the last supper. Tonight is the night he goes to the garden and prays. Tonight is the night he is arrested and beaten. Tomorrow, Good Friday, he is put on "trial" forced to carry his cross and then hung on that cross to die. Saturday, all of his followers sat around and mourned, unable to do anything because it was their sabath. Then Sunday the tomb is empty. I think more momentous than the 4 days is that on Palm Sunday he rode into Jerusalum victorious. The people laid their coats on the ground. In a span of 4 days, public opinion changed that much. I mean public opinion on George W. Bush didn't change that fast in 4 days. How can you be victorious on Sunday and Public Executed on Friday? To this day it boggles my mind.

We're singing Go Cubs Go ...

Go Cubs Go
Hey Chicago What do you say
The Cubs are going to win today.

I know it is just opening day. 161 Regular season games remain. Up to 19 post season games are possible. But what a GREAT way to start the year. Beating the stalwart ace of a divisional rival. It doesn't matter that the 'Stros are going to send Wandy Rodrigios to the mound today. No not at all. What matters is the TEAM had an awesome day. Not just Big Z. Not just Soriano or Rameriez. But Fontenot, Soto, and Theriot (and I LOVE the combination of them hitting in that order, AWESOME fundementals ... although Theriot is the one without any power so maybe he needs to be higher up, but whatever). DLEE didn't get on base, but his D rocked our worlds. Milton Bradley (who names their child MILTON with a last name of Bradley, come on parents ... it is almost as good as Wandy) played a solid left field and drew a walk. Heilman threw 1 pitch and got 2 outs. Marmol was filthy (although a bit wild) and Gregg was interesting, but my god he reminds me of Charlie Sheen in Major League. Since the Cards blew it in the 9th to the Pirates, the Cubbies are currently tied for first with the Pirates. I can handle that.

It is a long year and I am sure my faith in the Cubs may waver from time to time, but playing like they did last night, it is going to be a great year. I will certainly enjoy the ride.

On a side note, since the game was at 6 pm, I decided I would work out during the game. Wow was that a good idea. I hadn't had a solid elipitcal work out in about a month and with Soriano leading off with a homerun it was the motivation I needed to get a 400+ cal burn in (I know that is not accurate, but I think it is a good way to judge the intensity of my workouts).

Just another day in the neighborhood

Well first off, I am definately not pregnant. I basically started my period in the middle of my solo. I'm ok with that. I want to be able to go to Kristin's wedding in November and I want to go home for Christmas and baby in the middle of December would put a damper on either of those.

Next up, the cantata went great. It really did. Anne had some trouble on her solo, but you know the audience did not know at ALL. Janine came up afterwards and slugged me in the arm and said "I crucified thee" (which was the last line of my solo and I tried to put some emotion and kind of belt it out there, which apparently I did a good job. :) ). Of course with our cantata we kind of skip the whole Palm Sunday experience. Which meant we didn't sing any of the good Palm Sunday songs. But eh. There is always next year. Besides we don't skip the Easter part of it. :)

Finally, Bill is a little concerned driving his car. I'm wondering if it might be worth it to spend $5000 on a commuter car for me and then he can have the truck. Because if he does go into business for himself, I am going to have to drive the car. It needs new tires (again, $500 worth of tires every year and half). I don't know. Something 4-door to bridge the gap between now and when we can spend $15k on a newer to us vehicle. But looking at stuff, what we get may not be that much better than what we have. But something 4-door would surely be better when we have a baby. I don't know. I guess I won't worry about it. Cars are hubby's thang. Not mine.

Psyching Myself Out

I don't know WHY I am even thinking this is possibe. I was on the pill as usual through the end of the pack (wednesday). Plus we barely had sex last month. But I have been nausous EVERY EVENING this week. Starting Sunday. Not puking, but just the stomach kind of rolls and I can't even think about eating. I'm suppose to start my period tomorrow or Monday. If I don't get it by Sunday, I am going to test. I want to be pregnant. I want to have Bill's baby and I am tired of waiting. But how wild would it be if I was pregnant. That would a miracle for sure. God has a plan and lord if I am pregnant I don't think I could possibly doubt again, because there should be no way. NONE. I hope I am. Even though a December baby is not in our plans, but whatever. A baby is always in God's plan. :)

No more Birth Control

... at least for a few years. That is right. Since wednesday was the last of my pills, I asked Bill if he minded if I went off the pill now. Not that we would necessarily try now, but just that an oops could occur. He goes "why not, I'm not getting any younger." He is also suppose to go on Chantix today. The increase in the price of cigarrettes along with hopefully me getting pregnant gave him the kick in the butt he needed.

We have a TREE!

I drove up this evening and we had tree in our front yard! A tree in our front yard. No joke. I knew Bill was having "coffee" with a friend this morning, so I knew where it came from but it was just like Sally and Jerome seriously did not get us a tree. Yep. Yep they did. Too cool. I love them.

Does a good rehearsal mean a bad performance?

I guess we will find out sunday because we had a good rehearsal on our Cantata last night. A couple songs we went through twice, but that was more because of timing issues. I was impressed. We really came together the last 2 weeks. Everyone kept telling me how impressed they were with me and my solo (which wasn't that great, I keep needing to work on my breath control for the second line) and that I have it memorized (really, you can't memorize 4 sentences when you have 4 weeks to do it). Anyway, it feels good even though I expect more of me. I am such a perfectionst. My plans have to be perfect. My singing has to be perfect. My cooking has to be perfect (well at least taste good). If company is coming, my house has to be perfect. I want to be the perfect wife (at least perfect for my husband). I realize I set the bar super high for myself. I keep wondering why I wasn't this much of a perfectionist in band in high school, but lets face it ... I didn't like it that much. I like singing, a lot. I like my job. I like cooking. I like showing off my house to company.

Of course the biggest thing with singing a solo is that I get NERVOUS. People don't realize how nervous I really get. Afterwards, I just shake. To get through this practice and last Sunday's practice I had to just close my eyes and sing. Not very attractive, but if that is the way to get
through it; I will do it. Hopefully, Sunday I will be able to look at the audience. If not, the cross is right there for me to stare at and no one will know the difference.

Anyway, I need to get back to doing a perfect job and my latest project (god I HATE this client). He needed to hire a contractor because he runs a collection agency and does not know ANYTHING about engineering and he has completely screwed the project up. (10' of fill and he didn't understand that it NEEDS to be compacted.

Are you kidding ME! We want to camp!

So, I have started to researching for our vacation. We want to camp at the locations we are going to be more than one night. I was looking at Niagra Falls and OH MY GOD! The KOA on the Canada side has a TENT CAMPING SITE with NO HOOKUPS for $48 a night. For that I am going to stay in hotel THANKS! Good grief. UGH! I need to get my days where we are going to be each night figured out so I can make some reservations. I think we are going to end up at private places because KOAs and National Parks (which we learned last year when went to Ally Springs/Jacks Fork) are just too expensive. It is for a TENT people, why, why, WHY! Anyway, I love everyone saying oh just pitch a tent, you'll save money....not always.

OK, I ran some rough numbers on our vacation:
Gas: 4000 miles (yeah this is crazy, but our trip is 3500 without any "side trips")/18 mpg (taking the truck, this probably right on) = 222.222222 gallons (cause you know it is going to be exact) * $3/gallon (high or low, I don't know, we are still 6 weeks away) = $666.6666 or we'll round up and say $800
Lodging = 14 nights, assume $20 for camping (research backs up this number) and $70 for hotels. Lets assume we will camp 6 nights = 6*20 + 8*70 = $680 (I really hope we camp more). 2 nights I should actually be with relatives (actually another night we will be with my parents, but I did not count that).
Ok that takes to about $1500. I will say we will try to stay under $2000, but factor in Maid of the Mist at Niagra and perhaps a boat trip at Bar Harbor and eeeeekkkk it adds up QUICK!

Photos

It is getting green. There we are smiling for the camera as my dad is like what is this button for.

My Grandma.

My wonderful parents. Aren't they so cute together? The have been married 39 years in July.

Boredom

I think I am bored with my job. Oh there are things I like to do, but I am just bored of site plans (which is funny because I have not done that many this year). I waste time (like I am right now) online because it is boring. Same old same old. I guess I am at that point. I've been working for almost 5 years doing the same stuff day in and day out. There are occaisonal different things do to do. But it isn't new and exciting. It is drab and dreary and I waste too much time doing it. So, I guess I need to put some more blocks on my computer and get back to work. One of these days I will figure out how to keep me going.

Spring is HERE!

Well, not officially, but the grass is green. The Bradford Pears have bloomed (actually, they bloomed died and came back) and the days are longer and warmer (82 yesterday). It won't be that warm from now on (thank god, if it is 82 in March, what is it going to be in July, yuck). Anyway, it is just nice. We went to Iowa last weekend. We didn't tell anyone we were coming up. Just showed up and surprised everyone. It was great. Grandma is really doing pretty good. Really skinny, but at least in the assisted living she is eating meals. Aunt Sheila is having hip surgury soon. Mom and Dad are doing good. Mike and Kayla are good. Kayla is such a sweetheart. Much nicer and sweeter and than Erin ever was. Amy had something going on so she didn't come down, but I do tend to see her a little more often than Mike (like every other year instead of once every 4 years). Kayla, Mike and Bob cooked supper for us Saturday night. It was a good time.

Bill told everyone last weekend that he was thinking more about going into business for himself than going to work for someone else. He has to go to the unemployment office and report this week. Hopefully they won't hit him too hard about not looking too hard. He could work, but not doing what he wants to. So, he isn't looking too hard right now. I don't blame him. We're really doing ok. Even though I just spent $600 on continuing ed stuff yesterday. That should be all I need to spend on that for the year (or close).

I am getting a little obsessed with the thought that in 1 year we could be having a baby. I really really want that to be true. I am running through all of these scenarios for after the fact and I just really want a child in our life. We do something and I think about if we had a baby this is what would change (and usually it is we have a carrier and the baby comes with us). The other day I came up with a scenario for daycare for us that would be really cool. I would work 4-10s with 1 at home and then Bill would work for himself for 3 days a week. 1 of those days and my at home day we get a nanny. I could totally see that working. I don't know what Bill thinks. There is pleanty of time to figure it all out AFTER we get pregnant. I think it is INSANE the number of people that have everything figured out ahead of time, including names and everything bought. What happens if you DON'T get pregnant. A lot of them are young and maybe they haven't lived through what I saw with Dave and Nona. It just bugs me. Shoot, there was one lady on Babycenter who had it all figured out what DAY her child would be born on MORE than a YEAR from now. Holy crap. To me that isn't smart, what if something happens? Anyway, I'll just keep my practical mouth shut and do things my way (which for this is to be as unprepared as possible, LOL ... well except financially, we are there financially).

March Randomness

I have not posted in a while. Work has been crazy, but it might have calmed down just a bit. Bill is doing well. He is currently weaning himself off the brace. He still hasn't gotten into the job hunting full swing. His neck gets tired. So I think that is part of it. Friday will be the first day we don't get his paycheck and that is going to be strange. Plus I changed my withholdings and put Bill on my insurance, so I don't know what my paycheck is going to be.

I have a solo in the Easter Cantata at church. I'm pretty nervous about that. I got a big deer in the headlights look when she said me.

I gave up soda for lent. A whole week without soda. I've had shakes, lemonade, and Kool Aid in place of it. It has been rough though, but it is getting better.

I've also been working out quite a bit. Not a totally hard core, but just a little everyday. Yesterday between work and choir I went to the Chesterfield Park and walked 2 miles in less than 30 minutes. I did jog a bit. I did 1 minute at a time 4 times. I use to be so concerned about what I was wearing to work out in, but yesterday I was in jeans and my pink shirt. Yeah I smelled a bit for choir, but it was worth it. I'm sore today, but that is good.

Vacation Here We Come

Well, I asked Derek and he has given me the green light to take 2 weeks off in May for vacation. Yippee. We could still cancel depending on Bill's work situation, but I'm excited. We are going to see Mom and Grandma on Mother's Day. See Grandpa's grave. Go to Niagra Falls and spend some time with some fabulous women I met online. Do some hiking in the Adorandaks, go to Bar Harbor, Boston, Cape Cod, and see my Cousin and Aunt and Uncle in NY and be home by Memorial Day. I can't wait. 11 weeks and we will be in Niagra! Woohoo.

NASCAR winner

I think I posted yesterday that work is insane. Well, I came up with an analogy about how I felt. In a NASCAR race, with 20 laps to go (or sooner) people start saying "You go to go". That is how I feel. I feel like Derek is telling me, "You got to go, Mary". Well, here is my problem. I AM going. I am going just as hard as I can and I'm just not getting anywhere. When that happens in NASCAR there is usually a crash. I hope in real life that isn't me, but I feel it coming. I woke up with a sore throat today and then I got to work and I realized the wall thickness I had was wrong. I'm going to keep on going because I don't know what else to do, but I'm either going to crash or win. Since I feel really far back in the pack; crashing feels a lot more likely than winning.

Pedal to the Metal

Work has been crazy. I am busting my butt to get this project done and I'm just not there despite working 7:30 to 5:30 or 6 Monday through Thursday last week. Then 6:30 to 12:30 on Friday, 8 am to noon on Saturday, noon to 2 on sunday, and then 7 am to 5:45 yesterday. UGH. These have been productive days too. Not wasting a whole lot of time. I have to leave at 5 today to get Bill to Willard by 6. I just don't have much left in me. I have been going to bed early and sleeping well and I like coming in at 7 and working to 5 vs coming in at 8 and working to 6, but I am working to 6 most nights anyway. The crazy thing is that Brandon was laid off. I do get it. He doesn't have my education or Troy's experience and in almost 3 years he never showed a real initiative to take his skills to the next level. What i have been busting my rear on since Friday he can't do. Actually everything I have worked on in the last 3 weeks, he can't do. But it puts additional pressure when a coworker is laid off.

Anyway, I need to get back to grading out this entrance. I just wish it would work so I can move on to the walls. I wanted the walls done yesterday, but I will be lucky to get them done by the time I leave today. It is so metally exhausting doing grading that I am physically wiped out when it is done. I feel like I am neglecting Bill by working this hard. It is part of the reason I keep coming in earlier and earlier so that I can spend time with him in the evenings. I took Friday afternoon off to spend time with him. 2 more weeks and he will be able to drive and that will help and having Kevin around helps.

Bill and I did break down and "violate" doctor's orders last night. That was nice because I'm not sure I was going to last the next 2 weeks. We've had stretches where we haven't done it that often, but we rarely went a week without at least fooling around. 3 weeks without even an attempt and the month before that was pretty ummm ... dry. I am so ready for him to be better and I am ready for this stupid project to be done.

Random Thoughts Feb 11 edition

So it looks like we are getting surveying equipment dirt cheap. That is fine. I am considering it part of Bill's severance package. Bill already has a bid in to do some work for Mike. That will cover about 1/3 the cost of the equipment. So if we get 3 projects that size, this venture will officially be in the black. I'm excited.

In other scary exciting news our checking account is nearing $25k in it. Considering I try not keep more than $100 in it, this is an insane amount. The $20k from house sale is on "hold" and then our state refund is pending. Of course we have medical bills pending. Probably around $3k and then we are going to be shelling about $4k for surveying equpment. That is a scary proposition to have $7k all ready spent. I'm not sure how to treat the $4k for surveying equipment. I guess the minute we shell out money I need to set up a business spreadsheet at the very least. I want to make sure we know what we spend "business money" on etc. While I think it is going to be easiest to start small and grow from there. I think there are things that get left out when "oh it is just a side job". I think I would like to see this grow into DH's full time job. I just think he would be happier. I think if Kevin is around he will help us out on the logistics of business side. Anyway, I am just rambling. Excited at the possibilities. Bill has had several offers to contract for contractors, but he has always needed them to set him up with equipment and now he doesn't. Yeah.

Decisions, Decisions

Well, we closed on the house in WG. Bill and I walked away with $20,570. So now that we have that is done and have money in the bank (well a lot more money in the bank); we are at a cross roads. Bill has been told that Mettemeyer is going to sell their survey equipment. Depending on the asking price, we may buy it. We went for a walk today and started bouncing ideas off each other. He could contact Alan and Eric and Aaron and do staking for them. He could contact the small survey companies in town and offer to be a contract crew chief or a second survey crew when they needed one. Then he was like well if I need help who would I get and I said Kenny and he was like ohhhh Kenny would be good. Then we talked about turning the truck into a work truck and getting magnetic signs for it made saying Snappco.

So, the decision we now make is how far do we go with this. He use to make $3300 a month (net $2500). If he could net $1500 on this opperation, we would still be saving for retirement and matching our current expenses. Bill needs to commit to whatever he decides to do. Especially if he takes on this venture. I think the tax issues would be the hardest and we would have to have a tax professional help us out. I think a large part of this depends on if we get the equipment and if Bill finds a full time job in March. We'll just have to see, but he sure sounds excited about the prospect of working for himself rather than someone else, having to do it someone else's way. I think it could work. If he got his liscense it would really work. We'll have to see what happens but it is nice to look at the world and think we have all these options rather than think oh man we are sunk.

EXAMEN?

So, my "star gift" for a belated epiphany was the word "examen". Examine is probably a really good word for me. It keeps coming up for me from time to time. But seriously EXAMEN; Am I suppose to be examining men or something? I don't understand how the ADULT sunday school class could go to so much effort to make these and then spell words wrong. Come one people. It is just a little off.

Feeling positive and positively bored

I last posted a week ago and my feelings have come around that this isn't as awful as I thought it was. Sure it stinks, but it isn't the end of the world (I heard there is a big sign when you get to the end of the world and I have not seen one yet). Bill has been told to talk to a couple of companies and while nothing has panned out yet. Something will when he is able to work. He has been told to call one of the guys down in Branson. (Ick) A job is better than no job. That is what we keep telling ourselves.

Anyway, I'm trying to work longer hours to avoid working on the weekends so I can spend them with him. We'll see how it goes. I have been averaging 7:30 each morning. So that is what I have been aiming for. I think on some levels work is really boring me. Hopefully, something will come up that makes me realize nothing is as bad as it seems, but i just can't get into a whole lot of these jobs. I need to be more excited. I'm going to be sealing my own projects starting next week. But right now, I'm just bored with work.

Getting Kicked While You Are Down

Bill was laid off yesterday. His department has been eliminated at his job. I am a basket case. Once again, I am just feeling overwelmed by everything and don't feel tough enough or strong enough to handle it. It just feels like too much. I guess the good news is that the house is going to sell. Bill is going to get unemployment. We have $7000 in savings right now ($5000 in EF, $1000 for propane and car insurance and $1000 for "fun"). My salary does almost cover our expenses, with unemployment we shouldn't have any issues.

So, I am just trying to figure out everything we need to do. Friday, Bill has to come and clean out his desk and I want him to make sure he has health insurance for the next month. Then he gets to file unemployment and go job hunting. I guess for March; I will put him on my insurance. I know he doesn't really want to because I have St. Johns and he has Cox, but his insurance is SO expensive (like $400 a month and that is with a $2500 deductible-or will be March 1, and yeah it is 90% coverage when mine is 80%).

Anyway, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe having time to heal and not worry about work will be good. All I know is that I scarfed down some potato chips and am drinking a Mt. Dew at 11 am which has not been me at all.

Our pastor called last night and Bill didn't even have the heart to tell her he had been laid off. We'll wait until tomorrow at choir and make that announcement! UGH! I'm just overwelmed, but doing better. Poor Troy made the comment that now that Bill is better he is going to quit his job and I just started bawling. I said well he doesn't have a job to quit any more. Troy felt awful about that, but it wasn't his fault. We'll be fine. I just need to figure out how to pull it together a little better and get a plan together. I had run through a bunch of scenarios last fall in which Bill lost his job or I was on maternity leave. Of course I didn't have unemployment added in. Sigh. If it isn't one thing it is another.

Miracles

At a bible study in college, one person said "God doesn't perform miracles anymore". I said "Excuse me, I believe God performs miracles now. No it isn't water into wine, but I believe that my nephew being alive and living a normal life is a miracle. God uses our technology to create miracles." "Well, that just isn't good enough for some people; they need to see God in action. We need miracles."

I believe in miracles. I still believe my nephew is a miracle. I also believe that how my husband is feeling today is a miracle. Sure he hurts from having surgury, but "the pain" is gone! GONE! Just like that. Sure modern medicine played a roll, but I believe that modern medicine is a miracle of God. We don't need Jesus to lay his hands on you for you to be healed because doctors have been blessed with the ability to heal. We still need Jesus to save and heal our souls.

Faith and other typical randomness

I mentioned yesterday about Faith. So, last night when I broke out my bible, I turned to Hebrews 11. This chapter is ALL about faith. The commentary in my bible called it the Faith Hall of Fame. I also turned to James (Lecia a former friend from my early college years had once told me it was one of the better books in the bible to read for something short sweet with lots of meaning". I start reading about Faith without works. Which to James, was nothing. But that doesn't mean you can have works without faith. Rich Mullins wrote a song called Screen Door on a Submarine. He sings "Its about as useless as a Screen Door on a Submarine. Faith without works, it just ain't happening. One is your left hand, one is your right. You need 2 strong arms to hold on tight". Funny how slighly random selections of readings really tied together. (The Hebrews chapter came from a list of "numbers to call" in different situations that I have had in my bible since Freshman year of college and James just came because it has been a long time since I looked at ... well other than the readings at church it has been a long time since I just sat down and read my bible).

Last night was a bit hectic: choir practice, get home eat, I pull out DDR (because I have been super stressed and DDR has been a great stress coping mechanism). I'm in the middle of a song and Bill comes back in the house from his man cave (aka the garage) and low and behold he has his brother with him. How did I miss a car driving up the driveway? Was I that into my game? It takes a good minute (under normal circumstances) to drive up our drive and we can see you the ENTIRE time (of couse the UPS driver made it in about 20 seconds). Anyway, Kevin laughed at me. I need to get somewhat use to it, having him around because we are going to be his home base for the next couple months or so. After DDR, it was empty the dishwasher and then off to bed. The last two nights instead of pulling out the book I am reading (Tribute, by Nora Roberts...typical Nora single title book) I have pulled out the bible to read.

Boss man wants to take me out to lunch today for passing my exam (yeah I realize we found out a month ago, but between having the stomach flu, christmas, and his wife's foot surgury; it got pushed to the back burner). Bill and I are going to this Pondering Parenthood Seminar tonight put on by my hospital. We were actually going to go over to Primas for supper, given that it is close and fairly quick (still going to leave work early though). So, now I am trying to find some place good that isn't overly filling so I can handle going out to eat twice in one day. Bill, on the way to work today, mentions that he wants a little "action" tonight (given that post surgury he can't have any for 4-6 weeks .... which is WAY longer than we have EVER gone since the week we started dating...what can I say, he was easy). Then he goes wait I'm going to going to a seminar that talks about the effects of that action...then he goes, nah I just don't care (about the effects, still wants the action). So he is coming around a lot on the whole having kids thing.

So, tonight it is Pondering Parenthood, then more DDR (because I like IT!) and then pack up things to go with us to the hospital (like my laptop and some books) and then early to bed because 4:30 is going to come way too early (Bill wants to leave 45 minutes for a trip that only takes 20 minutes ... especially that time of morning). The weather is suppose to be good (although not nearly as awesome as today) and Linda and Sam are going to come and Mickey is going to come after feed the horses and I will not lack for company. Hopefully, Bill will go first and it will all be over soon, but I am not counting on it.

Thoughts on the Day

http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20090121/pl_politico/17714

That is the BEST article that sums up my skeptisism on the presidency (and in politicians as a whole). Finally someone speaks up (of course it is after the inauguration, but at least someone did it).

For being a person of faith, I am extremely skeptical. I have faith in God, I have faith in my family, I have faith in my friends. I even have faith that someday the Cubs will win the world series, but I don't have faith in politicians.

Ok, back to personal crisis. It turns out that Bill's Health Insurance does their deductibles on a calender year, not on the policy year. So, suck! Oh, well. The bottom line remains the same that the money won't be available until Friday, but I can't change that. Of course I could always post date a check. It isn't like it will clear until Monday, but I have issues with that (I have been burned in the past with pending funds and used my debit card to pay for a college class...not the same thing, but still leaves me skeptical).

I bought my elliptical 3 years ago and I decided this week to figure out this ifit compatabity thing. Well, it just didn't work the way I had hoped. I don't have the card reader on my machine, I only have plug in and I was disappointed in the lack of selection and I was disappointed that it didn't control the resistance like I thought it should. I do like having the pace coach, but bringing the laptop to the living room to "control" my elliptical was a pain. I have officially decided I stink at DDR. Not that it isn't fun, but holy cow do I need practice. :) My problem is that as I get tired, my eye foot coordination goes away and I actually get worse at it. Anyway, I have been doing good working this month (10 official workout days + 1 DDR only day). I just need to keep it up another 7 weeks and then we will have Daylight savings time which will motivate me to take walks again (assuming it isn't raining) and possibly ride my new bike. By then Bill will be better and we can take walks together (I hope).

Ok Personal Crisis Time

So, Bill got a call from the financial person at the surgeon's office. They say he has not met his deductible for this year!!! WHAT! His insurance is from March 1 to Feb 28 so how in god's green earth have we not met the deductible. Because trust me we have met it. Then they tell him they need half of what our cost is going to be up front! Ok, we have the money but it is in ING and I immediately transfered it. It won't clear our bank until Friday. They want the money Thursday. So I guess we will have to put it on the discover, which will put us within a couple hundred of our limit (it is only a $3800 limit and Friday is payday so it was going to get paid off Friday). They said our portion will be $2500 because we have not met our deductible (just for Dr. Strang). Well, that should only be $1600 ($1000 deductible). Which, we still have to come up with $800 on the fly (only have $140 in our checking account right now). UGH. Maybe I'll just break out one of Bill's old CC with a high limit to put it on. This sucks. Bill is going to call his insurance agent to figure out what is going on. Considering the house is not going to get closed on in 10 days (thanks to stupid Real Estate Agent Tammy, the dumb blond) and the sale may not go through at all, $1000 is a big deal for our immediate future. In the grand scheme of things, $1000 isn't going to make or break us. In fact in the grand scheme of life the last year probably didn't effect us that much at all when we look at it 30 years down the road. We may be better off because of it, but right now it hurts. I put my entire bonus into savings and it sucks to know that almost half of it is going to be gone by Friday. Ok, I have to stop my crazy ramblings and get to work.

Inauguartion Day

I am not a fan of Barack Obama. I feel he is a whole lot of beautiful talk, but his walk in my opinion lacks. Well, maybe it doesn't if you are liberal, but I am not. I am a southwest Missouri conservative. I want the government out of my business even if it means I have to scrounge for food. I think the last 4 months have just proven that government intervention doesn't really work. Lets approve $700 BILLION for a bailout that does nothing except allow CEOs to continue to make big bucks, but we HAD to approve or the world was going to end and the markets were going to tank...oh look THEY TANKED ANYWAY. Ok, back onto my focus for today. Soon to be President Obama talks a centrists game, but NO ONE questioned his lack of a centrist record. Centrist....far from it. People wanted the "anti-establishment" by voting for him and what they got was the Clinton White House staff. "People" are acting like he is a savior. A savior? Sorry, only Jesus Christ is my savior. I probably wouldn't dislike him so much if people didn't put him so far high on a pedastal.

I don't disagree that this a great day in our nation's history, but I feel that he cannot deliver much (or most) of what he promised.

Being Bold and Facing your addictions

I am addicted to the WIR message board on msn. There I admitted it. I waste way too much time at work going over there and reading and typing messages. I have routinely promised myself, "this week, I will be more productive" and I don't do it. I get ticked at my lack of will power and then spend more time putzing on the net because I am mad at myself. So, today I went into my settings at work and made it a restricted site. So, no more posting from work, but that is a good thing. Hopefully it means more productivity at work which means more $$ for the company, bigger bonuses for me, better retention of clients (not that we have a real problem with that). In this economy you can't afford to waste time. Yeah I am posting on my blog, but I am not desperately waiting to see what "Beej" and "Sharing" and "Sheila" and "Nitza" and etc are talking about today. I can just write about my life and what I am thinking and let it be a quick little outlet.

So, I am going to work at being "miracle Mary" at work and not alter-ego Muttleynfelix on msn.

Speaking of "miracle Mary", at the F&P meeting at church on Saturday, I mentioned I throw shoes when I don't get my way. Which lead Dick to go, "I didn't know you were a Muslim". I told that story today at work and TRD goes, "Should we start calling you Muslim Mary instead of Miracle Mary". LOL

(5 hours later) Ok this is tough. I keep going to the website which comes up blocked. Cold turkey is tough. But I will get there. I know I will.

Dear Diary

I use to write in a journal a lot. In fact all through college, while I took notes in class, I wrote in my journal. Usually something about the relationship or nonrelationship I was in. I really stopped when I started dating Bill, because it just took too much time when I couldn't do it while in class (and yeah I graduated with a 3.52 GPA with a BS in Civil Engineering, so it worked for me). So this is my new journal. I type SO much faster than I can write and it is actually ledgible!

So, news! Bill is having surgury on FRIDAY! Can I panic? Can I have a COW? Friday! OMG. Less than one week after we made the decision, he is going in for surgury. This better do it or I might get a lawyer and start suing people (I know not typically me, but really this is insane). Mickey and Linda M are going to sit with and I might ask Sally tomorrow to see if she wants to come around too. We have to be there at 6 am, but I have no clue what time they will take him back.

We had a Building and Grounds committee meeting this morning at church. Merlyn is the chair and he asked basically couples to be on the team. So we have Mickey and Merlyn, Joanna and Herold, Linda and Sam, Suzy and Leon, and Bill and I. Along with Raymond, Dick and Glenn. I think Sally and Jerome may be on there as well. It was a good meeting. We are a bunch of lets get it done sort of people.

After the meeting, Bill and I went furniture looking. We found a couch and love seat we REALLY like for a price we really like. We found a couple dining room tables that are close (some are closer than others but price is a sticking issue). We were very disappointed in the quality of the chests and dressers. If you are spending $500-$800 on a chest, you want quality. You want drawers that slide out nicely. But nothing seemed just perfect. So we will keep looking there.

Then we went to Game Stop and I bought my very first video game for just me. I finally bought DDR after wanting it for more than a year. I was so excited to get home and play, I didn't change when I did it and now I am all sweaty in my jeans and t-shirt. It is crazy, but fun. I did it with out shoes and my feet and shins sort of hurt. I am tempted to change and put on shoes and do it again since Bill is watching TV. I do want to figure out how to load more songs on it.

We also bought a wireless router for the house. I don't have it installed yet, but I can't wait to blog from my living room instead of my desk. We figured with Bill's surgury he may want to be in bed and putz on the net or play freecell.

Friday, when Bill told me about the surgury, I was pretty freaked out, but now I think it is just a matter of doing it. Friday will be here before we know it and this will all be over with. I know I need to work on leaving things in god's hands more. I think maybe for lent when I give up soda, I will read my bible every day. I really stopped doing that and I need to get back at it. Alison once decided for lent to give up a bunch of stuff and then also run a mile every day (or something like that). I like that philosophy. While lent is pondering that Jesus died for our sins, that he made the ultimate sacrifice and giving up something is suppose to enforce that sacrifice with us, doing something difficult everyday and giving up something everday enforces it even more.

Well, I think I am going to go run through our song for Sunday and then put my music in the car. I also have to decide if i want to do anything for the talent show at Church in February. I could probably play either my 7th or 8th grade competition songs without much effort, but something new might be nice and I do enjoy singing a lot too. Oh well, that is something to think about which I am so good at doing.

Craptastic Vs. Craptacular

Well, so far the week has been just craptastic. (I think that was an Alison-ism from senior year of college, but felt it needed to be resurrected this week). But today crossed the to craptacular.

Craptastic was getting to work and having D call me into his office and say we are leaving to meet with the City in 5 on RRLLC can we sit down and go over the comments. Well, good for me for taking work home last night; I was prepared, but that was extent of how well the day went. Craptacular was the meeting. D and I like the people at the city but holy cow was it a knock down drag out commentary on Hydrology and Hydraulics with the City's regs.

Craptastic is client M.D. He is just a trip. Well, he made the day craptacular when he went off because I would not send my surveyor out there without the most recent plans from the architect. He told D that he gave us consideration for paying for a redo (because of him) and we needed to do the same for him. Wait a minute buster! You DON'T have approved plans; you DON'T have a permit; your contractor IS NOT READY for us. I will not send my guys out to WASTE everyones time when I could wait 4 hours and get the updated plans for the architect. How hard is that. We didn't cost you a dime by waiting. So take a freaking chill pill.

Craptastic was when B started complaining about D to TRD and me last night. Ok B we know you are upset, but come on you have worked for the man for over a two and a half years at some point, stop bitching and learn to adapt. Craptacular was when D went off the TRD and me about B. Oh boy. TRD and I just laughed because what else can you do. Your boss, the owner of the company you work for ... and it is more than a job... is highly upset with one of your coworkers who was highly upset at him. We have communication issues. WE KNOW THIS. Figure out a way to FIX it. And Sorry D, but never ever complain down. You can complain up in a higher archy, but complaining down is a no-no.

Craptastic is having one of your major projects about to be killed by city buearachracy. Craptacular is having 2 major projects on the fritz because of city stupidity. A nice, lovely retirement community in town is working on their third phase. During phase 2, a road was roughed in and underground electric was installed in the ROW. The county came through and widened the road it is tying into and put a turn lane into the development. They also relocated the driveway across the street to line up with this driveway. The city is now saying NO WAY. That 10% grade coming down to an intersection doesn't meet the city standard. "People are just going to slide right through everytime it rains". Wait RAINS? Are we on RACING SLICKS? What do you mean slide right through when it RAINS? Perhaps snow or ice, but rains? Good grief. Have you been on Battlefield at Loan Pine? THat doesn't meet City standards. What about Weaver road? THe ENTIRE LENGTH? That doesn't meet City Standards. What about Campbell and Weaver? They want us to move our entrance to the north. Well, we can't! The county BOUGHT the ROW so it is limitted access. Plus they put in a turn lane. Yes 10% at an intersection is steep but it isn't a death trap.

This afternoon was just bouncing back and forth on one project. Mary do this. Mary I need this. Mary. Mary. Mary. UGH!!!!!!! Craptacular. That is what it was. I don't see tomorrow getting any better. But we can hope.

Frustration

Today has been a very frustrating day. I overslept. Bill finally woke me up at 7. So it was a scramble to feed the cat, make my lunch and grab a shower and go. Except well at 7:40 Bill wasn't ready to go. Ok, we'll just go straight to his doc appt at 9. So, I get breakfast and chill around the house and we get to the doc appt at 8:40. We get ushurred in at 8:55 and are seeing the doctor by 9. Quite a change from our last visit where we waited an hour and a half and they apparrently forgot about us.

As far as Doc appointments go, it was good. We knew what we wanted to know and the illustrious neuosurgeon conveyed to us what we needed to know. Bill has a an annular tear in a disk in his neck. It is probably what caused his problems all along (as in the last year and a half). In fact what the doctor described as classic of this tear was exactly what happened with Bill. The doctor mentioned the 3 things that work for healing: strengthening muscles, the traction, and time. Ok, DH has worked on the strengthening. After more conversations, the traction (which Bill has tried) is probably not something Bill should be continuing any more. The last one was time. The doc mentions 6-8 weeks and I'm like wait a minute this has been going on a year and half. Shouldn't that have been sufficient time for it heal or at least partially heal? So, finally option is, gulp, surgury. This is the same surgury (with the same doctor) for the most part that our friend Pam had last year. He's talking 2 weeks recovery on it. While I think this is our answer, how do you know for sure? We THOUGHT that shoulder surgury was the answer last year. Turned out it didn't do anything. The thing that I can't figure out is that the therapists have all mentioned to Bill they thought it was something with is neck, but the doctors never looked at his neck until the shoulder surgury didn't work. Sigh.

Anyway, I am a bit of wreck over this. I know DH doesn't want surgury again, but what is his other choice to be in pain the rest of his life. His mother (apparently) at Christmas said that he just needed to suck it up. Wow. She doesn't live with him. She doesn't know how bad he hurts. Ok, I don't either but I can tell his good days from his bad days. Then, the other thing is how in the world do we bring a child into this world knowing that he isn't able to do a lot of things because of his shoulder. Am going to for the rest of my life be like "I'm sorry Crackle and Pop but Daddy hurts today; so you are just going to have to leave him alone". "I'm sorry daddy can't throw a baseball".

So we get back to work fairly quickly, but then I meet my dear office manager at the bottom of the steps. It turns out I need to get a letter of continuing authority for a sewer project that was not my baby. I don't even have anything in the file that officially says it was approved. Next, I found out my new project for D's buddy down in GA is Fulton County. Ok I knew it was in Fulton County, I just didn't realize that Fulton County was Atlanta! Ok. GA guy wants me to use the regs we use in Columbia, GA. Right. Fulton County has regs on the net, so guess what I'll be doing tonight. Yippee. I just have so much little crap that I need to do at work. Everyone is like do this, do that, no wait Mary I need this. Last week, D asked me to work last weekend. Well, it was sort of a joke, but I was like no, I'm not doing it. This week, that may not be an option or at least I need to bring stuff home to work on. Everyone is waiting on me for one reason or another. I wish I could more happy about this. People have gotten laid off in my position around town. It's a small engineering community. If everyone is laying people off, that is bad. But anyway, I suppose I should get back to it and do this work that I am complaining about.

Random Book Critique, Bears Critique and Vacation Planning

I read a lot of romance novels. I don't like to read much else because I like happy endings and I don't want to think too much because quite frankly I think enough at work. Well there is a lot of romance novel crap out there. I mean total crap and I grabbed this book thinking I liked the author and then I realized I was thinking of another author. So, I'm reading it and in the second chapter we meet the hero; a wealthy young man who owns an economy car and pick up truck. After his last girlfriend "lied" to him (premise of the story since the title is Tell Me No Lies) and he had to dump her, to get out of his dulldrums he bought a Jeep Cherokee. A Cherokee. A Cherokee! What redblooded, small town, american (or canadian) boy (or girl) buys a freaking cherokee as a fun car! I could see if she had said Wrangler; that is sexy and fun. But not a CHEROKEE! Buy a sports car or a supped up truck. Or for at least an Escalade! Give me a break. I read another chapter or two (the Cherokee gets rearended by the heroine) and I just could not get past the use of a Cherokee as the vehicle one buys when they get dumped. Maybe when the dumping is divorce and there are kids involved, but come on. A Cherokee. UGH! Another example of stupid books getting published when my sister's awesome stories don't get published. Who are these people who decide to publish this crap?

In another example of poor use of logic, my dear Chicago Bears have hired Rod Marinelli. Rod. Marinelli! Of the 0-16 Detriot Lions. I love loyalty and I don't think most people are loyal enough especially in pro sports. I understand Lovie Smith and Mr. Marinelli are like best friends; however, if you are in a hiring position, your team showed a lack of heart last year, so you want to add someone who helps get that heart back........ So you hire the guy whose team was the first to ever go 0-16! Where was their heart? If you can't get your team up to win one game all year, you have no motivational abilities whatsoever. He may be a fantastic defensive line coach, but I don't think Lovie Smith is doing right by the fans (aka the consumer of the product being put on the field). He may be trying to do right by his friend, but there 30 other teams in the NFL (not counting the Lions, obviously he isn't going back there) and I am sure Rod Marinelli has ties to a lot of them given that he comes from the Tony Dungy coaching line. So let him get his confidence back somewhere else; where his BFF isn't propping him up.

Finally, VACATION. DH and I are at least making plans for the vacation. I was running time lines and to at least hit all the places we want to hit, it was going to be right at 2 weeks. So, I figure lets utilize the weekends on both ends and make it a little longer. Looking at the timing and distance of everything, it is only 80 miles further if we swing by my parents house on the way to Niagra (which considering it is 450 miles one way to my parents, that makes it on the way). So, current plan has us heading out the Saturday before Mother's Day and getting to my parents and spending most of Mother's Day with mom and dad and Grandma Bonnie. Then heading toward Michigan (I think we will cut across Canada to get to Niagra). This will also take us pretty much right past the cemetary my Grandpa is burried at (well, his ashes are burried). I did not get to go to the inturnment since it was the Monday after the Friday funeral 13 months ago (and I had to work that week and then we came back the following Saturday to spend Christmas with them; talk about CRAZY). So, it would be very nice to stop there. Our current schedule has us making the trip home the Friday and Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. We can use Sunday as a Flex day and possibly spend an extra day somewhere and Monday as day to recoup before heading back to work. The only bad thing is that I wind up with my day to be at my cousin as Thursday. I hope that works for her. I would hate it if it didn't. Anyway, is it May yet.

Oh the only thing I don't know is if I want to keep it a surprise from some people of us being there for Mother's Day. I would like to, but given my compulsive planning issues (which my mother has the same), I don't think I will be able to keep it a secret.

Vacation Vs. Mission Trip Chaprones

Last night was Bill's first night as an official member of session. This is a different situation for us because we have a tendancy to do everything together. Not for any particular reason, but it just happens that we can carpool to work together and then we have choir together and then we do our grocery shopping together and well that is our life. Bill was asked to be a chaprone for the youth group's week long mission trip this summer (and if he went, I would go too).

Well, here is the rub: We had planned on taking at least a 10 day vacation in April/May. We were going to leave our Missouri home and see my cousin in New York - I haven't visited her since her high school graduation 8 years ago, see Boston, go to Maine, check Niagra, etc. With limited vacation, this would leave us with very little vacation time around the Holidays; making it tight during the holidays since the majority of our family lives out of state. Our only vacation not to visit relatives was our honeymoon 3 years ago.

The youth group mission trip sounds great. It is shorter; it is closer; it is for an area that needs it. They asked Bill because the need a male chaprone and haven't found anyone yet. The kids are great and a lot of fun. But it is in Oklahoma...in JULY! Yuck. We would probably be sleeping in seperate buidings being that we will be chaprones.

Then there is the last issue. We have talked about/planned on trying to get pregnant this summer. So, if everything goes well...I could be pregnant or we could be missing out on an opportunity to try. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't be at a point I would want to tell anyway and well if you are throwing up every morning the girls are going to freak out and the other chaprones are probably going to guess. Which means even if you tell people not to tell, by the time you get back, half the church is going to know.

I'm really leaning towards vacation. The fact is that we won't get another opportunity for years to go on a vacation just the two of us if things go as planned. I wish we could do both. But life is full of choices to be made.

Map

Since I am all about visuals. I thought I would add a map.

Drama With a Dog

Tuesday, Bill was home sick and he heard this howling at the door. Turns out a little puppy was on our doorstep. So Bill takes him in the garage and when I got home from work we took him over to the Darnell's. They thought the dog was Greg's. So we went to Greg's and he wasn't there. He has a gate and barbed wire fence around his property. So I left a note on the lock on the gate. So we go over to Bledsoe's, "yeah we think the dog is Greg's". Well Greg drove by, so we head over to his place. We get to his place and the gate is still locked, my note is still there and his female dog comes out and she has had puppies recently. We honk the horn and Greg doesn't come out. We decided we couldn't just leave the puppy there, so we took it home and decided we were going to contact an animal rescue group and have them adopt out the dog.

We got that all arranged and I was just stressed out about the whole thing on Wednesday. Wednesdays are crazy anyway with choir practice. So we get home fairly early and the puppy had chewed and left a mess in the garage. Anna is all stressed out; the garage stinks. The phone rings and it is the adoption agency. They found a home for him. While I am talking to her, a car pulls in our driveway. It is Robert and Rondie's kids. "Max" they cried out "You found him". Unbeknownst to the neighborhood, Robert and Rondie's kids got a puppy recently (you would have thought that the Bledsoe's and Darnell's would have known this since their kids go to school with R&R's kids, but the rumor mill turned out to be WRONG).

I felt terrible. They had no idea how close we were to giving their dog away, but I had to call the lady who wanted to adopt him and explain to her that the puppy had a home. Anyway, I am sure Max will be back and we will get to know R&R and their family a lot better.

The problem with living as far off the road as we do and working longer hours than most of our neighbors is we just don't have an opportunity to see them very often. No one wants to make the walk up our driveway; so it is up to us to come down the hill and talk with people. Well, lesson learned. As much as we love pets, next time a puppy shows up on our doorstep...we will take him to every single neighbor and if we can't find his home we are leaving him outside.